I think i should explain. I'm at that point where i'm confused. I feel like i'm on a high, i feel like smiling yet i feel unhappy. It's like i can feel Depression wrapping its fingers around my ankles and slowly trying to pull me underwater. I'm treading the line of inner loneliness. The line that goes through these groups but will never truely be a part of them. Basically i'm just about pissed off with everyone. I'm treading my own path. Two of who were my closest friends im not talking to but thats been coming for a long time now. I just don't click with them anymore. So i'm hanging around with another girl, who i walk to school with an i'm close to. Her group. The self-proclaimed slags. I can't help but feel a little out of place. Their msn names are the ones with the varying upper and lower case letters and then a heart smiley and something about loving and then they all have "luv ya slags" to the other 2 members of their little group. And then another close friend who is always with her boyfriend.

Everyone is always with their girlfriend or boyfriend if they have one. They say they won't forget their friends, which they technically don't but they forget to hang around with them.

I feel like all the people i really get on with are a lot further away. People i can only see on weekends but only see once a month. People who i maybe haven't met yet. I feel like i'm not learning anymore and that the year can't get any slower. I just want to go mad, have fun, live fast. The parties my "slags" go to all they do is see how many guys they can get off with and how many drinks they can have before they forget what day it is and what their postcode is. I'm not against partying or getting pissed, i love it i just wish i was with....the right kind of people. But i don't feel like crying. I feel like i can fly but with a chain around my ankle attatched to the floor. I feel like i'm driving a fast car, with a trailer attatched to the back. Will college ever happen?

Ciao. I am back.

Is there something about me? Suddenly when things seem to become perfect, it all falls down again. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe its just my childish friends. I go with other people for one lunch, to go somewhere different and to get some food then we go over to them on the field and we get ignored? A planned ignore? Are we fucking young adults or 11-year olds?

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Then and Now